Diary Entry
Not being able to communicate with Sir openly the past few days has been the worst punishment I have ever endured. Not knowing how he really feels about me because he never says it. I feel it, but this week I needed to hear it. I needed to know that I'm special to him and this isn't just an ordinary dynamic. That we have created something so unique and beautiful that he also would have a broken heart to let it go.
I've been thinking about this for days now. Is this the point where I walk away? But I can't bear to lose what I've grown to love and the joy he brings me every day. I can't bear to lose hearing his commanding voice tickling my ear, seeing his handsome smile, or imagining his scent as I wrap my arms around him and bury my head in his chest. I can't bear to lose him brightening my day with all our mindless chatter and ridiculous jokes.
Will I ever get the chance to truly be his sub, to serve him, to experience the physical presence of his dominance and compassion? I wish with all my heart he would say yes to meeting in person. Let me experience him just once. Let me give one ring. Just once.
With all these things considered, and despite me stating that I could let him go in a mental capacity, I know that my heart cannot. This was supposed to be fun sexual experiments where I get to be an exhibitionist for someone I trust. But instead, it's turned into a friendship I cannot live without, a companion who knows when and what to say to me in all situations, and someone I truly yearn for and even dream about. I simply cannot imagine this life without him.
After weighing everything logically, he now owns me. He’s earned my devotion, my vulnerability, and my affection. I sacrifice for him and live a life of selflessness to please him. The joy I find in making him happy is unparalleled. I give him my unconditional love, emotional support, intimate vulnerability, and a commitment to mutual growth. These elements create a loving and deeply connected relationship that transcends the physical aspects of a D/s dynamic.
I don't know what this looks like in the days to come, but he has a huge responsibility to fulfill. He has earned the complete devotion and love of a sweet sub who has given him everything she's got and strives to give him more. Don't break me, don't break the wonderful satisfaction serving him brings me. He is supposed to protect my mind and my heart. I beg him, please keep me. Yours, Scarlet
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